I have had alot on my mind the last couple of days. I am not one to obsess about the future. If I were, I would have made much better decisions in my early adult years that would have resulted in a better financial situation for me and my family. I'm sure I am not the only one in my age group that feels that way. No offense to you 18-22 years olds, but when I was that age I had no clue how my choices at that time would effect my future. Believe it or not, this post is not about my education, my career choice, or my current paycheck. Rather, its about my "living in the moment" mentality and my lack of motivation when it comes to planning for the future.
I have always been fairly confident that I possess a decent amount of intelligence, and sometimes I wonder if I have sold myself short. But, then again, I convince myself that God's greatest purpose for my life on this side of eternity is to be the mother of an autistic child. It goes without saying that Josiah and Micah are just as important and deserve the same level of care, but being Jacob's mom requires a constant mental and physical presence that is unique to his situation and this necessary demand will be required of me until the day I die. So, its difficult to think about anything but the present. I want to be goal oriented, ambitious, and prepared for the future, but my mind is on overload. Don't get me wrong...I don't feel overwhelmed or feel that too much is being expected of me. This has been my life for the last 10 years (since Jacob was diagnosed), and I really do feel more than capable of living this life, but sometimes I just wish my mind was free to think about the future. I want to be capable of making good choices today that will better the life of my family tomorrow.
