Living in the Moment

I have had alot on my mind the last couple of days. I am not one to obsess about the future. If I were, I would have made much better decisions in my early adult years that would have resulted in a better financial situation for me and my family. I'm sure I am not the only one in my age group that feels that way. No offense to you 18-22 years olds, but when I was that age I had no clue how my choices at that time would effect my future. Believe it or not, this post is not about my education, my career choice, or my current paycheck. Rather, its about my "living in the moment" mentality and my lack of motivation when it comes to planning for the future.

I have always been fairly confident that I possess a decent amount of intelligence, and sometimes I wonder if I have sold myself short. But, then again, I convince myself that God's greatest purpose for my life on this side of eternity is to be the mother of an autistic child. It goes without saying that Josiah and Micah are just as important and deserve the same level of care, but being Jacob's mom requires a constant mental and physical presence that is unique to his situation and this necessary demand will be required of me until the day I die. So, its difficult to think about anything but the present. I want to be goal oriented, ambitious, and prepared for the future, but my mind is on overload. Don't get me wrong...I don't feel overwhelmed or feel that too much is being expected of me.  This has been my life for the last 10 years (since Jacob was diagnosed), and I really do feel more than capable of living this life, but sometimes I just wish my mind was free to think about the future. I want to be capable of making good choices today that will better the life of my family tomorrow.

Desires of My Heart

I'm not quite sure what direction this post will take, but I need some therapy that only a keyboard and my thoughts can provide. I have been thinking lately about the desires of my heart, not outrageous, over-the-top kinda desires, just the kind that could provide true joy and contentment to me and my family. We have by no means been the poster family for stability as we have lived in 3 different states, 7 different cities/towns, and 12 different houses/apartments over the past 15 years. I am ready for this cycle to be over. But, I want to settle in a place that has everything! Not just everything I want, but everything I think me and my family need. So, without further ado, here is my wishlist: (in no particular order of importance)



*a big house with a big fenced in back yard


*exceptional services for individuals with autism


*exceptional schools for all three of my children


*a loving, supportive community of family and friends


*a job for alex where he can use his calling, his abilities, his education, and experience and a job that he LOVES


*a supportive church family who loves and supports Jacob


*four distinct, beautiful seasons


*a decent cost of living


*a job for me that would allow me to be flexible to be present when my children need me


*a church where I can use my love of music/worship in some capacity


*wonderful Christian friends for my kids


*a place where we can all fulfill our potential and use our God-given gifts both individually and as a family



*a new van (that has nothing to do with where we settle, just thought I would throw that one in there - this is a wishlist afterall)



Is there such a place? Even though I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, I never put limitations on God. I trust in His sovereignty and His love for me. My earthly parents would provide me with all these things in a heartbeat had they the power or means, and how much more does my heavenly father love me. I struggle to believe this, but I know its true! That sounds contradictory, I know, but thats just the way it is.

...Because That's Just the Way I Am

It has been a few years since I have been a stay at home mom. This current stint did not occur by choice, but rather by....well I'm not sure whether to blame it on the job market, my experience, or divine intervention. Whatever the reason, I am now here at home (actually my mother-in-law's home) everyday and I can clearly say with certainty that its not for me. But, should it be? I always say that I'm not a natural at cooking, cleaning, managing a home, but maybe that is an excuse. When do we use our natural inclinations to determine what we do with our lives and when do we need to recognize our weaknesses and strive to overcome them? Just something I have been thinking about lately.

A Quick Update

Well, we are finally getting settled here in sunny southern California. I do have to admit that I am sad, though, that we weren't preparing for a blizzard the last couple of days...the Massachusetts kind of blizzard where it snows over a foot and the relationship between the tires on your car and the asphalt on the street doesn't miss a beat, not the Arkansas kind of blizzard where it snows 2 inches and the entire city shuts down for a week. Being house bound is no fun, at least not for any length of time. I am experiencing some of that frustration, minus the snow, during this season in my life. Husband at work, kids in school, no job, no car....no fun.

Thankfully, Alex has been "on the job" for about a month now. He was offered a position as a chaplain for Pacific Hospice/volunteer coordinator for Meal on Wheels and he jumped at the chance to enter into the work force again. He is gaining some very valuable experience. Jacob just started a new school a couple of weeks ago and is receiving 10 hours of home therapy per week. I have been very pleased with his services so far here in the Golden State. Josiah and Micah have settled into their new lives with ease. They attend the same school and really seem to like it, although they would never admit liking school in general. Josiah has a hard time with what he considers our journey in life..."We have to go to school for 14 or 15 years, then college, then work, and then when we finally get to retire, we die soon! That is so wrong!!!" Micah started kindergarten this year and is doing very well. He gets home from school at 1:00 everyday so I still have some Micah time, something that I try to cherish knowing that my youngest is growing up fast.

I am not working right now, but I am looking. I was first looking for full-time employment and had a very probable opportunity that hasn't seemed to work out at this time. But I may need to be searching for something more part-time. Micah gets home from school at 1:00, Jacob gets home at 2:00 and has therapy from 2:30-5:00, and Josiah gets home at 3:15. I really need the perfect "mothers hours" situation. So, I am beginning to re-adjust my search. Hopefully the ideal opportunity will come my way.

Just wanted to quickly update everyone who may be curious about the ever changing life of the Aarons. I say this every time, but I really want to start blogging again. :)

Settling Down?...What's that?

Well, after spending a year back here in Pine Bluff, AR, we are off to the west coast again. When we left the SF Bay area for Arkansas back in 2001, we had no clue where our final destination would be. We knew that seminary in Massachusetts would be part of our quest, but that was our only vision at the time. After leaving Arkansas for Massachusetts in 2003, we had no idea that our stay in Massachusetts would go 3 years beyond the original 3 years it would take Alex to receive his M.Div. Circumstances prompted us to remain there for 6 years, allowing our 3 children to grow up as New Englanders, which was a great experience for our family. Then...back to Arkansas in the summer of 2009. Now circumstances are prompting us to go back to California...southern, this time. Alex and the kids are there now, allowing the boys to start school and get settled into a routine. I hope to follow very shortly, after finding a renter for our house. ok...now thats alot of moving. (and i didn't even mention the 5 different homes we lived in while in Mass) Any of you thirty somethings (quickly approaching the forty somethings) out there wonder if you will ever feel settled? ...or am i the only one?

Long Way From Home???

Well, its been a while since my fingers pounded these keys and I miss it. About a year and a half ago, I found myself in a situation where I couldn't disclose the thoughts, issues, concerns that I was dealing with. It was nothing shameful or sinister...just an impending move that I didn't want my employer, landlord, or anyone, for that matter, to find out about prematurely. I found myself giving up on my blog for the sole reason that I could not therapeutically write as I had done before because my thoughts were consumed with our relocation and all the changes that go along with that process.

About the time that I decided I needed to change the title of my blog, since I have now been living in my hometown of Pine Bluff, AR for the past year, the title may need to remain the same. There may be an impending move yet again.

Alex's job here in Pine Bluff didn't work out, Jacob went from attending (in my opinion) the "Harvard" of special needs schools to attending, well let's just say there is no comparison, and Alex's father past away in March. For all these reasons, and more, Alex is trying to find a job in Southern California where his mom lives.

So here we are again, in the midst of being unsettled, not knowing what the future holds...an all too familiar feeling for us. But we will persevere, and maybe now I can use this blog to process it all. There is something about seeing my words in black and white that gives me perspective. I hope it can do me some good.

To Blog or Not to Blog...

...that is the question. I don't have internet service at home right now, but I just signed up for mobile blog. Do I delve back into the world of blogging? What to do, what to do...